i can tell you that i won't recall what i'm about right now, later
you will have to promise me that you won't remind me either.
without focus i have been wandering for weeks
nothing much registering
my moods have been in more places than the most traveled nomad.
i am without
much more than the currency that my reputation holds
which may or may not be worth much to some people right now.
dreams come in heavy heaves
placing me somewhere familiar and unfamiliar the same
in the most lovely of moments i am surrounded by beautiful people
i am being pursued by a beautiful woman who can neither see through my thinly disguised confusion
or imperfections.
i am comfortable in the longer of moments we share
but there is always something bigger pressing, calling out to me to figure out.
i somehow keep getting caught up on the beautiful woman in front of me and fail to see the lesson i'm there to learn.
when i wake i am full
and i am a little bit empty
wanting so badly to fall back to sleep to hear the words i missed
to see the things i didn't catch at first glimpse.
like an aged man with a dying libido who must somehow prove he is still viable
i live in a moment with a grandiose self sacrifice of blindness so that i can avoid the awful truth of what i have become.
sometimes it is bearable and sometimes i do not recognize whose feet i am standing on
or who's rough hands i am holding..
just the same i fall asleep each night and search for some meaning that i missed the night before.
i tell you, i won't recall this shell of a person that i have become- to cope with the madness i've seen of late.
and i'd rather, sweet friend, if you spare me the reminder of the empty pictures that you take of me through this time.
i know i will return from this dark journey brighter somehow
just give me time
and don't remind me of where i've been...
