I'm meeting you today for the first time in weeks to talk
talk about what?
talk about what happened-
what will happen-
and what can't happen
Earlier I was cleaning and this moth thats been inside for days- that i tried to save
that kept flying away
Finally lay dead on the floor-
I thought to myself
Like a moth to the flame-
Like this moth to the slowest of deaths-
I picked it up and threw it away and thought
Only if..
Only if it would have let me wrap it up in my hands and carry it outside
I wouldn't be here now throwing it away in the uncivilized garbage can that sits by the most unnatural environment for it to sleep in
But it was and
it did
And i had no control
other than to let it be
just the way it needed to be-
With that end i thought
about another end
that soon will be
between us-
The time away has made me realize that i can't drive you away from yourself
I can't drive the voices out of your head and replace it with mine
soft and slow-
I can keep the razors that slice the mind that you call skin
but that doesn't stop you from getting more
and more-
I can't keep you high on me
and on top of me
to make you feel all right
and i can't take away the shape of your eyes
so that you stop being persecuted
by the ghosts and the parents who left you
again and again-
I can't take away the drug that keeps things hazy for you
more complete, less painful..
No, I can't take away the addictions that you have
for love-
I thought I could be all these things for you
To you
But now i know that i can't-
and now i know that it's gonna take something bigger
something you can only find within the walls of your darkest moments-
There on the sharp edge of the metal you put to your skin
There on the end of the cigarette you smoke
There on the tip of your tongue
and on the tip of your pen
There on the tip of your breast
and your clit
There in your eyes that see the world in their own way
There inside the voice in your head
There inside the high you've taken from yourself
There inside the drink that makes you sick time and time again
There inside the voice of the woman coming from your speakers
There inside your fear-
That's where you will find the answers
Completely with or without me-
Just do this for me
Don't hate yourself for this
Don't inflict on yourself what the world already inflicts on you
Give into the voice that's still gentle inside of you-
My war on these lands ends with a truce
I have nothing to give that hasn't already been shown
My ammunition only works on Colombian soil
Your Korean soil needs something more like seeds than ammunition-
I won't forget what it is about you that draws me in
and i won't let you run from me with all my emotions on your back
I will carry myself safely to the shores of my knowing
and wait for you to come to the senses that you've inherently got-
growing comfortable inside your skin
Something I had to do in the darkness without the light of a lovers' watchful eye
But with her smell and the shadow beside me just the same-
I have to keep on moving on
But i'm not very far from your side
We will walk parallel from each other
Breathing separate air
yet forever tied to this adopted life...
