Lessons learned by an impatient, mostly selfish, child like woman who thinks everything should be laughed at with an unapologetic silliness. … that is what these lines are…
What else am I to do- I’m living this life as loosely and as tightly as possible. I’ve learned love is not a thing to possess and control. It is made up of a water like substance that you can hold until it spills through your fingers, breathe until you choke, drink until you’re full, lye in until you can no longer float, navigate until your compass breaks or sinks. It is like loving someone who can’t be loved, hurting someone who can’t feel anymore, draining a reservoir that was never built to hold more than enough. It is all of these things and then some. Jealousy will get you nowhere I’ve learned. Of course I’m not perfect, and I think more than I should sometimes. I wonder where I missed the connection; I wonder where I misheard the intent. I wonder where I was when things were falling a part. Certainly not intact- and certainly not with her. So I’ve learned to love when I can, with what I’ve got- as much as I am capable- then when sometimes I can’t love right I wait for the teachable moment and l listen real hard and sit real quiet.
I’d like to think it’s all about learning who I am- finding myself in new places only to navigate and find more parts of my story. Sometimes I feel like I’m driving with a stranger in the car- wondering who’s gonna get in or who’s gonna stay out. Wondering who’s driving and where her next stop is and whether I’m gonna know when it’s time for me to jump out. I have faith that love is like riding shotgun with a stranger- it’s only a matter of time before what I don’t know and what I do know becomes a surmountable divide...
