everything about that book felt lived in
the way it smelled
the way the pages were folded and bent
even her notes
with dates
and names
and scores of the one's who've lost
and the # of times she fooled herself into thinking she won.
it's all there
even the scars
and mistaken people she's been along the way.
she never claimed that she had anyone fooled
she'll tell you she was the only one who didn't see the reality
staring un-tongue tied back at her.
what was the message she got in those bottles?
what was she looking to find
or lose?
just as i come up for air
she's there and she's listening as i make sense of brothers lost.
she lets me break it down and she keeps me afloat
not in the way you'd think
but in the literal way
and in some emotional way as well.
she's helping me lessen the complications that linger around the sibling ties
that keep me in this struggling state
she gets that i'm digging in the dirt to make sense of the things that don't offer up answers willingly
she's got lessons and stories to share
and i like her because her life has been lived in
every last part of her has been broken
and is coming to the light every day that she goes searching for answers.
in her there is wisdom in the words
that spill around her
and as we go back and forth with a nervous excitement
and complete willingness to
share the once unbearable parts of ourselves-
there is redemption
and reconciliation just the same.
sometimes all it takes is a stranger's gentle caress
to break the walls down that have stood proud though mistakenly non- protective.
just between you and me
there is nothing to hide
though we've let our fists and words do the talking.
with her i want to give it all away-
every last secret
that i thought would hold me safely in some concealed oblivion.
i want to let it all go
free.
and as i stand up to leave i realize i was never as heavy as the false pretense
i am lighter
and easier to get
i like that
and feel like our shared words are lived in
because that is exactly what they are.
the two of us
are exactly lived in...
