10.21.09
I don’t know if I have much to write about
She told me
That you got to feel it to heal it
So new to me she is
But this isn’t about her
Or her unshakeable resilience
That I hope to mirror myself
I need to breathe for a moment
Without eyes of strangers running over my every letter-
My every emotion.
There is no poetry in death
There is emptiness
Silence
And empty spaces that he once occupied
He was more strange
Than a stranger
He was the unsinkable Tangye
The one who let it all get away
He took some hard knocks and held it against himself
The same way he held that bottle
A father never wants to bury his children first
The same way he doesn’t his children worry when his time comes
Still I am here to grieve
In some way
These things never get easier even as they happen more and more often
They serve as reminders
That we are fragile
so fragile
Despite the regularity of the occurrence.
I come a bit unfocused
And frankly off guard
But sometimes death doesn’t send out invitations or notices
It arrives and summons our attention then moves on its way
Not noticing any sort of emotional wake it has left behind
I’ve got some things to think about
And reconcile
The missed opportunity to say goodbye is where I will start
The end is never very far
Or so I’m told
But I’ll take my chances
And hope my days are above being numbered…
