it's symbiotic
it's surface
then deep
it's elusive
until it's not..
he speaks lightly
he covers topics, breezing gracefully over what his existence has become
years removed from the purpose he grew up believing in
he eats his shake
and drinks his words
i sit across from him
in my usual form
there but not there
reminding myself to be there more
a new person next to me
she reminds me that he is plenty good reason to slow my world down for a bit
i agree after i struggle with wandering thoughts
as he tells his story that he's told me before
before it got to this
then he sets his granddaughter straight
and throws that curve ball that shoots right through this little heart of mine
i felt like a little girl looking up at him sitting there
telling me that time will take him away
and he's ready for it..
these feelings are knocking me sideways
i see the blue in his eyes and i know it's been fading since the day she died
how can i blame him
how can i be angry
what place is it of mine to minimize his loneliness
only so i can keep mine at bay..
something shifted inside of me
right there
as he began talking about the leaves on the lawn that he raked up
after he told me he's got everything taken care of so it's no hassle on our grief
cremated..
leaves..
but what about me
i haven't heard all his stories yet
i haven't decided it's time to let this story end
the one where the page turns to a new chapter in my evolving life
there are some things that i don't want to change..
i'm not ready for this sort of thing i think
as i rub my temple and face trying to hold back the tears
i'm not holding them back now
i'm
preparing..
accepting..
one little strand at a time
but i don't want to
i really don't want to do this
again...
