seriously i'd give anything for her to give me a minute in her mind.
so much time in this life of mine showcasing,
reminiscing,
replaying,
remembering words she said and then the words she never said thereafter.
i have loved this girl/woman since i was 13. i mean seriously been in LOVE with his woman/girl since i was young. i have tried to make myself important to her but in reality i am nothing but aluminum cans in a bag to her. i am unable to move forward from her despite how far ahead i push.
first love is never ending the same way yelling 'falling timber' never loses it's meaning.
i don't know how to stop it,
how to digress,
or forget her.
she denies me and the memory of what she taught me. married with 2 kids she is hardly the lesbian vixen she was in 10th grade.
hell, none of us are.
but still i crave, and i want some recognition in her, something to admit that she remembers those adolescent moments where she moved me from girl to young woman.
same but not the same with those boys with their endless needs. i don't feel the need to reconnect there. i may have loved those boys and men but with tracy there is no comparing.
with her i want to go learn my lesson in love again and again despite the ceaseless heartache that would endure.
i am still manifesting her to me in some way. i don't want some drawn out love affair some 23 yrs later
i just want some recognition.
tell me, there's nothing wrong in that. i just want to end the back room yearning so i can bury the memory.
