louder
lips speak louder.
she tells me she went there to bring me home.
i was capsized by the very small place in the world that i felt i occupied.
death
and truth
all held a strong precedent to the forgiveness that came before.
i tell her now
sitting in the comfort of our home
that i never thought i could provide for her
or myself-
i tell her
that my life has been first and foremost a lesson in forgiveness.
simply put.
i would be an orphan yet again if i was stunned by the inflexibility of forgineness.
but then again, wouldn't we all.
so here we are, walking wounded in the world believing that we are martyrs for learning to forgive the biggest and baddest trespasses against us
regardless of religion inside.
never a victim
but merely in the places that didn't have our best interests in mind,
we walked into a moment that was unforgiving and weak with someone who was even weaker and forgive less.
no sense to walk out of what we walked in to
we witnessed
and recognized,
even if years or decades later,
that something,
some body was not where it was meant to be.
nevertheless
we moved through that moment
and into and onto another.
our scar tissue thicker and stronger the more wounded we became
the more resilient we were.
i have never wanted it to have been any different, really.
i have merely said,
shit happens,
and it breaks you
or it doesn't.
i have chosen to live by the later
and i am fine.
so, back to her strong sense of non forgiving
she is a self appointed reckoner of misdeeds in my life
she holds those memories and she holds the list of mis doings against me.
i tell her to breathe into the space between me and those past moments
to fill up the space the same ways i have
but she stands guard differently than the others
she is more awake.
i now know why that is.
she is my keeper
and to ask any different of her
would be asking her not to be her.
for her solidarity to me
i feel safe
i feel strong
and i feel more room to forgive..
