it seems like a million distractions have kept me from here-
the world spinning, the memory fading
things called life.
i tried you-via your mother's work number- but you never got back to me
i've invested time in your reasoning and a thousand things that didn't occur to me
finally occurred to me.
the biggest thing i've come to recognize is that sometimes people hold our former selves hostage
people have a way of reminding us of who we were when we knew them or when they knew us.
and i am surmising, jimmy, that you, old friend and lover, do not want to be reminded of me who reminds me of you
and who you were...
but i have something to say about that
and it is this-
i hold on only to the good things about you and who you were and are to me-
sure, it's been probably a decade or more since we have held one another's words within earshot of the other, but your memory has been good to me.
your poetry,
your steadfast love
i hear you've gotten married
two months ago it seems.
you are making big things of yourself which i hardly doubted you would do.
in your mother's photos you are you- grown up and tall doing the very thing that reminds me of you
and only you.
you are dallying with your ring, that once was a ring we shared, turned now to your wedding ring..
i can understand and rationalize one of the million reasons you have yet to call me up
lingering resentments
idling feelings
disconcerting reminders of who you once were when you were young-
whatever your reason-
know that i'm still waiting
and am looking forward to getting to know who you are now...
