brother mike
i am not wanting the numbers to change tonight
i am not willing to go much further down the line without you
she said tearfully that she believes everyone is better off without you-happier and less shipwrecked
i know no one believes that..
she said you've yet to visit her in a dream
and i feel covetous that you have come to me a number of times in my sleep
we are happy, you are yourself and you're telling me things are ok where you are.
still, when i wake up i know you are not here the way so many people need you to be
and it makes me morose.
as the yearend forces us to move onward
i am hesitant to let go of your memory.
a new year seems too distant from when you were with us.
i am having a hard time letting go of it, you, and the grief that still holds tightly onto my heart.
as much as i want to move forward from the heartache and say goodbye to this year 2011
i need something familiar and close to where you are and where you were..
i trust myself and the good fortune that 2012 will bring
but easing into and out of our last moments together has been arduous at best.
i am forced, with incomplete resolution, to move from the last year of your life
into a new one without you
and it's toilsome brother..
so unyielding...
but when i hear your laughter in my mind
and think of the way you would have wanted it
i am light and i am eager to conquer the challenges
that the new year will afford me.
i am resolute
and beckoning the new tide that awaits to test my skill.
i look forward to carrying on in your memory and bringing your dear child closer to who you were.
i embrace the lessons and wisdom that i've yet to discover in your absence yet with you forever by my side.
i am ready and i am determined, brother.
and as this painful year expires and falls by the wayside
i am carrying you and it, heavy as it may be, within me
and we are moving together, brother
into and over the bridge between you and a void
and we will make our way as happy as we can be
to the unknown...
