there is light
in the darkness
despite the cliche- ness of the fact.
i spoke
and am hopefully understood.
she says, " that forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past" (lily tomlin)
my god how ricocheted our past is.
bullet wounds
scars
and ugly marks
we've left
out of love.
oh how i've never loved another like you
you were what i lost
and what i found
out of desperado
and incognito
i didn't know who you loved
and you didn't know how not to love
what you seemingly possessed-
how wrong we were,
mother,
our love,
misguided and way ward
did we even have a chance to truely love?
mother i will find you
as the book says, "if you seek you will find"...
but really
in peripheral
and in love
i have looked
for so long!
and i have not found you.
i imagine you to be something that is not familiar
a face, dark but light just the same
a tongue, different and the same alike.
a loving,
more fierce and unforgiving woman.
how could i search for you
or want you
when i have someone in your place?
the guilt i feel over this
is huge
but still i wonder
what Mother
looks like me?
what Mother fed me?
what Mother dreams of me every night just the same as the one that chose me?
I will feel accounted for upon my death,
for there will be two souls that
search for me
in order to complete themselves.
haunted and un-haunted i will be
until that day....
