sometimes i have to remind myself that i have a right to feel this way.
jealous.
insecure..
un -satisfied.
i am so rarely any of the above
but when i'm feeling it
i'm feeling it.
where are you JJ?
i want pictures
i want proof?
i want to know that you are together with her
so i have no room to wonder
and wander
and call.
you were one of the few
who entered
but did not leave.
sweaty and
racing
and wayward
we were.
i remember the wet spot in my bed where you lay-
so foreign to me.
it had only happened once before with him.
we were young and i knew better than him
but this time
you knew better than me.
where are you?
i search for you
and your girlfriend's page shows no sign of you.
a break up?
a heart break?
you so wanted a relationship.
an everlasting.
to share with your family.
we were close.
minus the boy and girl part.
i loved you
but was confused
and scared of the parts that made us different.
you were softer
than anything i've touched before.
confused by your gender
you told me your secrets of bending the norm
and i loved it.
but when it came to either you or her
i chose her.
and didn't really give you a chance.
i regret that.
because what we shared
was immense
and littered
by your lack of attention
and ability to focus.
it was the weed.
it was the pollution between us.
your cock
to my
cunt.
too different
to take.
i still think of you,
boy i almost loved.
and miss you...
