sitting across from her
watching the way the candle light attaches to her
as she speaks
i feel myself falling
and hear myself convincing myself
of things otherwise
i speak to the degrees of control
and how i've got some matters of the heart figured out
she sits quietly watching me
folding and unfolding my hands
my arms
my emotions
together
then a part
and she offers these words to the silence
as i take a breath
she says
you are really committed to the idea of things being temporary, aren't you?
the words stop me
the air
ceases
my body becomes still
and i suddenly think of the strange new combination of things that were handed down to me
the lessons and stories i heard along the way
the experiences i witnessed
yet no longer recall
the fathers father's fear
and mothers mother's justification
and the rule that has come to be my ultimate defense
sitting here with some sort of deeply buried truth spoken
unearthed
that i had never looked at or truly seen before
as told by a beautiful woman i've just met
sitting across from me
in the semi-darkness.
my god
she has found mine.
it's there laying on the table
messy and
in disarray
this testimony that seemingly made sense all these years in my heart and mind
somehow seemed fallible and incomplete coming from those sweet lips that i have desired to kiss for so long
she tells me
what i know
what i've come to know
and when i hear it it falls short
of what i believed it to be
but then again
it holds up
against
the cult of timeless believers
who say the truly wise
practice the art of non-attachment
this is my lesson here
it is this reminder
that i've had it wrong up until now
you cannot desire things to be temporary out of fear
as i have done
i must rearrange the strange things i've been handed to make the image of choice
i choose to commit my heart and mind to the idea of things being temporary
because they are
whether the heart strings are attached to the blood rushing through the body
or simply attached to the ideology of the truth as it has been witnessed
either way
she spoke my truth to me
as i spoke it to her
and in the way she tells me
i know more
about her
and i know more about what she knows about me...
