full power runs down
i wait for something to stir this sickened mood
a day full of slow movements followed by hi energy motivation to play the games
only to listen to the music
only to keep it going
i've noticed that a lot of what i've been witnessing lately serves as a reminder of what's been going on in my life
the human condition is a parallel i guess
it's familiar
and far reaching.
filling my mind with randomness
waiting for time to take this sickness from me
i wait
and think of how i block energy with my hands
i curb it from entering and exiting my body
at my hips
my hands rest
inside of my pants
it's comforting but somehow odd at the same time
then there's my stomach
i hold that energy in too much as well
my core
it needs to move around and push and pull energy
the boys
they have me figured out
i've told them more than i've told them before
well some of the boys anyhow
i have a feeling the one boy i'm not giving much information to is still waiting...
i do have moments when i've got it figured out
what i want to say
but then i just think to myself
it's no use
he's probably over it by now
but still
those boys are easy to me
and hard at the same time.
and the girls
i need to stop being so disappointed by them over and over again...
heavy maybe but somehow not as heavy as some other things
i've got a mixture of lust and desire on the tip of my tongue
and somebody's got my attention
the mystery attracts
the flirting is dangerously close to moving forward
in what direction is anyone's guess..
i am reminding myself to be content in mind
because my body is incapable of it right now
but as i move through these highs and lows of purging an illness out
that she gave me
i remember
how i told her
that she gives me fever
and she is the only who can take it away
and then i remember
this sort of fever is just the kind that i want in my body...
