i remember it to be much brighter
and i sit here trying to imagine this
and
i try to explain how the emotions don't quite fit the moment
i recognize that i won't be able to escape this for a while
i look up and recall
that looking down it must appear to be much different.
could you stay for a while
could you be me for a while
would you feel this for a while
the tenses won't make this any easier to decipher
i'm telling you it won't make it any better
the silence of the darkness has been punctured yet again
what do they think of us
the coast was clear the day we got here
we offered our fry bread
we made an offering to the world of strangers
in peace
thinking it would make sense if we did things right
the first time around
now it's just a big mess on our little reservation
that was never as much reserved as it was reversed
the peace pipes have been replaced by the bottle of the white man's demons that have now become our own
the chanting has been replaced by hollering and screaming
and fighting the authorities that are just another reminder of the oppression
i have lost my way
and no number of indians in my house is going to bring home back to me
we live beside you neighbor
a dismantled tribe
we shatter your sleep
and disrupt your dreams of materialistic wealth
we bring the lights to your bedroom walls
we bring the loud humming of fire engines
and ambulances
not because we have been assaulted by your decency or your fires
no
we have become unrecognizable to our children who swear in the alleys
and litter the ears of the children with curses and threats
i offered the children a gift of movement
and i haven't seen them since
i have spoken in their circle and square patched rented space
and asked for entrance to wander through the yard
i wandered back and didn't feel the presence of the hands of saints or animal spirits
i am broken too i whisper through the screened window as they holler below in the night and wake me from my dizzying dream of a motherless world
i shut the blind
and remember this isn't what i imagined it would be
i was handed the freedom that was inherently theirs
my skin bleeds the same hues but in my history we fought different wars
us
this dismantled tribe
we cannot be complete
when you are not
we cannot get there quicker
with the bending that has caused you to break
i could almost like you
if i could make sense of this hopelessness
who's going to come find you
i remember it to be much brighter
and i sit here trying to imagine this
and
i try to explain how the emotions don't quite fit the moment
i recognize that i won't be able to escape this for a while
like mabye for another 400 years...
