7.23.10
it's been about 2 hours now
when death beckoned space in my mind
and subsequently my heart as well-
i am now understanding lucy-
the woman she was
the woman she wanted to be
and the pain that lived close to her.
you wouldn't know these things as they are
these are the sort of things that you find out only afterwards
when everything about the person who has left suddenly becomes an explanation for the way things are now-
she complimented me on the words i've chosen to share with the world-
the things that moved me made some sort of sense to her
and there is more weight in her words.
she wrote step by step
line by line
death by river mississippi
like she knew it -
i stopped reading about the demise she dreamed of
i didn't want to believe that she beckoned death with words dangling like carrots
in understanding lucy
i wish i would have paid more attention to the fire that she didn't see in herself.
her fierce humor and wit
she smiled big
and lived out loud
i've been thinking a lot about what things like this teach us
and what i am learning from faurot
who had a name that surely would have looked good on a best seller's list.
impermanence-
the temporary in everything and everyone
is the best we can hope for
and really the only thing we can hope for...
