as i sit beneath the sign that reads Gonda 3 South i am forced to witness impermanence
and how fragile we are.
you are in some cold room laying atop some cold glass tube that gives away all the secrets your body holds-
how is it that we can see through our physical beings yet have no clue about what it is that we are thinking and feeling?
as i sit here in this faux- cheery but really just mediocre room amongst many old white faces-
one face catches my eye.
a young woman, my age or maybe younger
sits in a wheelchair
she stares out the window at the vast sky interrupted by the old stone buildings which are disrupted by the newer, shiny ones trying to steal our glimpses
she is here for a reason-
perhaps her body is hiding from her the information that could make her well.
something in me is reminded that our lives are given,
they are not guaranteed-
we are lucky to have this opportunity and chance to be who we are in this lifetime.
to take this time and our well being for granted
is simply ignorant.
the message couldn't be any more clear to me as the full room suddenly is cleared.
no one is around me any more.
i am alone.
those who have come to be poked,
prodded
and looked through
are erased from my witness eyes.
i am a visitor here.
i am intact.
i have no clue of what it feels like to carry around something that is bigger,
stronger,
and more powerful than my physical resolve.
this awakens me to the choices,
the luck,
the blessing i have been given with this body
the aches
and cracks
and occasional fatigue
are my reminder that it is a body-
with an expiration date,
perhaps already stamped on the inside.
i am lucky
and wiser
from this experience.
she sends me texts from the other side
telling me what she must drink,
so that they can see her more clearly
- a freeze frame of her body-
inside that tube.
she is hoping for some information-
some clue
that reveals what monster is now lurking within her bowels.
i have a feeling they won't see the pain or the fear inside her-
they may not see the monster either
but they look
and we all hope
that they are seeing more clearly today
than yesterday...
