rooms of the mind...

7.23.09

God only knows what you’ve given me-
Despite the fact that your coloring has faded away
I still learn lessons from you
Sometimes while awake on airplanes and
Sometimes in the quiet just before the sun fades to darkness

Reminders in most places of who you were
And who I have come to be-
Sorrily incomplete
these aspects are

Surely I am still in transition
And you-
Perhaps you have found a new journey

Still I try to piece together all the tiny fragments
It takes removing myself from the spaces I hold most dear
Only to find places even more sacred
In spaces outside that are so wide and vast
They leave little room for bad wisdom

I come away more clear
More secure in my footing and perspective
There is little room for the spaces self denial occupies
The certainty is there
It is here

And finding a new home in me

I can’t change all the things I’ve said
Or the things that have been done
I can’t change the people I’ve stood beside
Nor the one’s whom I let stand in front of me
I can’t change the names of the lovers I’d held
Or the way we left things unfinished
I can’t change how I’ve hurt you
Or how you left me
I can’t count the ways or times my ego led me through my waking hours
Or the countless times it cost me so much for some cheap thrill

In the end it costs something
Whether it’s integrity, genuinity, truth or love
These lessons leave little room for bad wisdom...

walkin, talkin and gettin high girl...

Something about you-
A taken woman
You are
As well as growing on me.
You are a muse for my wayward mind-
Something intriguing about the way you move and carry yourself and your life
On those tall shoulders of yours.

Soon to be gone
You are-
In and out of my life on that busy street
With ease and a quiet smile you entered
I’m sure you will leave the same way.

I don’t think I have said as many unknowingly insulting things to anyone I barely knew
as much as i did to you-
And both times your reaction was sweet and quietly withholding of the truth you have come to know

I learned a lot from those moments-
Your grace
My ignorance
Your ease
My quick and broad generalizations

Still you invited me to sweat with you in a quiet room
Where things are purged and newness invited in
You invited me to become a better person beside you through movement and intention

And I will never forget that.
You have come to settle in my mind as a sweetness that few come to occupy, behold or otherwise obtain

I thank you for what you have quietly given me-
Proper and otherwise….

leaking fury..

it's about fear
and moving into new spaces in my life
turning out old patterns
and creating more efficient,
honest
new ones
i won't deny that i am falling a part
that i'm spilling about myself
leaking tears and fury on the innocent skin..