tucking in to you

i want to be close to you
i want to know the smell of you

i want to know the taste in between your lips
and smiles you save only for me.

you are a mystery-
a mad distraction to me
that makes me want to break myself into a million pieces just so i can float next to you.

i've always wanted something bigger
bigger than me
bigger than the sum of all the broken parts

and here we are

so full
of it

so full of this conviction
that we deserve a big love
even if we are sometimes afraid to create it

i am done walking through the empty spaces
with a picture
in my mind
of what it feels like to be complete

full on love
that is my own

that is yours.

you say you love the way i love you

baby it's taken a million broken hearts to hear that.
it's taken me glueing so many mis-placed parts together
to hear that.

it's taken me hearing my own voice
and trusting my own love
to hear that.

but i finally hear it and
i've finally found the right combination that allows me to see through my barriers.

i am in love
with a million divides
that part the many parts of me

but still i am full enough
to be whole
and offer a whole
part of something

that sees through you
and sees through me.
and neither one of us is safe
to the curiosity
and determination
that i have
to hold on to this.

i'd like to think you have something bigger than what i've known
that's never gonna give it up
and never gonna see anything through but the us we've come to know
and i'm ready for that
i'm ready for your kind of love

because everyone sees that this is the thing that i should do
and sees that this is what i want to do
and the subtle difference is that i do what i want to do
and never what everyone wants me to do.

and baby i want to love you

till the love and blood runs thin
 and then dry in me.

the light of day that runs in circles

there are signs all around me
and music in my ears and space

i want to stretch out

my mind
my thoughts
my hurts
my secrets

and i will tell you this

i believe in magic
the more i recognize the syncronicities in life.
sometimes things make sense in the most profound ways
and then sometimes things take you for a ride
and leave you on a corner that you never intended to find.

but those unfamiliar corners are the places to find part of yourself
no matter how fucked up you feel about it or yourself.
those are the perfect moments that change your life in some small way.

those are the moments that make you thankful that you can start all over.

there are times that i'm thankful i get to dress up
be somebody else for a while
but sometimes when i'm not myself
i'm someone else-

she walked over to me
swaying with a smile i've recognized from so many times before
not in her but in an intentional
confusion

she planted her mouth on mine and reached for something more
something i wanted to give back
and we swayed
and played inside that kiss for a minute
then
the embrace was released and
she danced on to the next mouth and soul to taste.

i thought about her for a few days after that
and all the complexities she offered the world
and i thought
better than to dwell on a moment with a lost woman
because after all-
she was the kind that no one could hold on to
but only loosely.

but for a minute i was the star of her show
and a gypsy that made me feel alive.