the redeemer in us..

melancholy and sticky i lay here trying to fit into all the situations i can imagine myself in

sticky with you like glue on my fingers
running with drum sticks looking for  the skins to beat a rhythm of myself into

you'll never know how the disingenuous talk has worn on me
i think of the millions of words my eyes have crossed
and the millions more my ears have suffered.

there is nothing that surprises me more than the absolute truth in the matters of the heart.
i walk in
bent on the moment
and i greet all the dogs at my feet and in my bed
and i find a woman silently reading from some book that will bring us closer to our truth
and i find myself further from mine

the irony passes over me for but a moment
then in the next breath i walk over to kiss her
kiss her like yesterday was only ours
and like tomorrow will never arrive.

i am no fool
i know how things can change
i know how allegiance can be traded like the skin on our backs, if they aren't the right hue
but i digress
and willingly give into these moments of chaos searching for the grace that i want us to exist in
if only in my ever changing mind

you'll never know i am the least involved in the making sense part of this
i am at the mercy of my expansive heart and even more boundless mind.

i let you see this side of me
messy and faltering
crashing in and upside the tidal walls that are supposed to contain this

call them breaker walls-
and i will tell you of a death or two.

angst in the pores of my misunderstanding
and clarity in my intent

we are the same in our dissimalar take on the subscription filled world.
we are the same in our principles
we are different in our expressions and risk taking

perhaps a bridge will unite us
as the words coax us closer
to finding some similar
understanding

of what scares us most.
we can take on these big things
the two of us
all we need is a table
a moment
and a few orders to work us out

meet me anywhere and we'll unfold all of this

two worlds
a million hang ups
and one meaning
in what it's all about..

links and smokey mirrors

i overcorrected she said
as she slowly slides out of her seat and away from me

this is how these things fall to pieces
the romanticism in the world explodes in the tiniest moments of intimacy
it just falls where it will fall

i'm riding along this wave of newest self discovery
i'm hovering along the walls of shadows
looking for ways to lose myself
when i suddenly am forced to reckon with the idiot truth in the matter

you can't run fast enough away from some truths that find their way to the doorstep of your consciousness.

i ran into your lover last week and she seemed happy with her new love
sort of like she's forgotten herself in the new direction
we spoke
and we ate
and we talked about things that were things but not things at the same time

and i recalled how at one time i was a regular in her life
and how i was more of a regular in your life
and i realized how neither of you fit the key i held
neither stuck around long enough to stay tuned

it is what it is
and that's the way it inevitably goes.

but on to you i find my mind
and my imagination

a slow departure from the distractions
i want to understand the strum and the quick tempo inside of me
that you give rhythm to

somehow i lost myself along the way
and as much as i wish i could
as much as i would
there is no simple complete solution.

oh how i wonder
and how i melt into the made up situations

then i wake up
and walk around with this proverbial boner
waiting to bone the way to the middle
of the truth

if only it was that simple.

i dive and i swell
all about you
all inside of you
and i wake up feeling just as confused..

witness

4.22

new world immigrant reaches out to first world indigenous
the exchange was more than complicated.

it impacted me much like the failed response:
leaving me confused and hopeful just the same.
that somewhere, somehow
the new people of our land haven't forgotten or unlearned how to care for the ones who founded it..