saci (ghost boy in the whirlwind)

you say i met you in the midst of you own great depression
i walked in to see you, this man amazing
yet to be
i didn't think much
and taught you how to dance.

that moment
you broken and lost
missed me by a few unmeasured observational moments.

from then on you would be my b boy and i would be your sweet and tangye.

no love lost in the distance
we would ebb and flow out of each other's lives for some time

i have something that belongs to you
something i have been meaning to tell you i've had.

i forgot about it in the midst of the next big super storm that would hit NY
which was your death.

not yet processed i keep coming back to your page to remind myself of the new truth.

when she told me
i wasn't really sure what she meant
but as the days have settled and things have not changed
i have sat with the silence and tried to feel you

perhaps you have been drifting in and about
and i have witnessed you in my dreams

i hear laughter
which is how i choose to remember you and all the others that have been lost to my touch

i don't feel the urgency of you being confused about who and where you are-
i feel you are content b boy.

the calm i walked in on that day may have been a disillusioned sense of grief
but it is settled now
and i am happy for you in this new found standing.

your favorite plate which has now become my favorite
will continue to present me with food and a reminder that we are all feeding ourselves the same truths
of how ugly and beautiful this life can be

thank you for the lessons i have yet to learn in your passing my brown, queer brother.
i am grateful to have an angel at your caliber to guide me into my own transformation

but then again you belong to the world and everyone you have touched in spirit, word, and laughter

sending you off b boy is not something i wanted to do just yet
we had more laughs and silly realizations to share.

but now you are everyone's ghost
and light.

from here to gone i will recall you brandon boy
and maybe one day i will get close enough to tell you i love you...